Retire richly. Book reviews.
Funny retirement quotes.
Retirement marks a significant milestone, a transition from the structured routine of professional life to the freedom and unpredictability of leisure. Retirement invites a shift in perspective. Some new topics are important, such as retirement finances and retirement lifestyle. But some are light hearted and may be captured by funny retirement quotes. Whether new pursuits involve traveling the world; booking a golf trip; or just deciding what to have for lunch.
The humor found in retirement quotes often stems from this contrast — the freedom gained, the newfound opportunities, and sometimes the unexpected quirks of retired life. Whether you are retired yourself, approaching retirement, or know someone who is, these funny quotes provide a playful and uplifting way to honor the journey and celebrate the many rewards retirement has to offer.
FUNNY RETIREMENT QUOTES
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.” - Chi Chi Rodriguez
"In retirement, I look for days off from my days off." - Mason Cooley
"We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work—and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock!" - Dave Allen
"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese." - Gene Perret
“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” - Betty White
"Well, I didn't grow up with that word 'retirement' as part of my consciousness. I didn't grow up with professionals that retired. I thought retiring was when you are tired and go to bed." - Ruby Dee
“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.” - Hartman Jule
"Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house." - Unknown
"A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell 'em to get a life." - Larry Laser
"My father calls acting a state of permanent retirement with short spurts of work." - Chris Pine
“In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.” - Unknown
“Retirement: The pay is lousy but the hours are great.” - Unknown
“The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.” - Unknown
“Retirement is the world's longest coffee break.” - Unknown
"There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working." - Robert Half
BOOK REVIEWS - RETIREMENT FINANCES
FUNNY RETIREMENT QUOTES (MORE)
"He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement." - Unknown
“Retirement is when you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” - Unknown
"I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box." - Bette Davis
"I need to retire from retirement." - Sandra Day O'Connor
“I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.” - Unknown
“The only thing that should get retired is your old idea of retirement.” - Unknown
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." - Will Rogers
"I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day." - Gene Perret
"I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. - Steve Young
“Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire.” - Margaret Mead
“Retirement is when having a good time is your only job.” - Unknown
"Retirement: World's longest coffee break." - Unknown
“Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of those is work.” - Clarence Darrow
"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job." - Ella Harris
"You have to put off being young until you can retire." - Unknown
BOOK REVIEWS - RETIREMENT LIFESTYLE
FUNNY RETIREMENT QUOTES (MORE)
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” - George Burns
"What do you call someone who's happy on Mondays? Retired!" - Unknown
“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” - Unknown
“Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.” - Kellie Elmore
“Every morning in retirement is a personal holiday.” - Unknown
"My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii." - Julius Sharpe
“Retirement: Time to trade the office desk for a sunny beach.” - Unknown
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” - Jonathan Clements
“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” - Abe Lemons
"I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." - Danny McGoorty
“The joy of retirement is having nothing to do and all day to do it.” - Unknown
"I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can't tell when you are done." - Unknown
“Time spent in laughter when one is retired is well invested.” - Unknown
"Sometimes it’s hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment." - Terri Guillemets
“I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities.” - Voltaire
“Retirement is more fun than work, and you never have to make excuses.” - Unknown